#4 links and abstinence

go here: lauraswisher.blogspot.com?

washington post abstinence article december 2004

A note on Porn:

After an attempted inculcation in my Women's studies course, the term porn seemed pretty set. Basically, anything that aroused was "porn" and all porn was bad. Sigh, the radical fems will never truly escape their neurotic obsexsion, will they? But lately, I've wondered, if "word engineering" as the fems have done with the term "rape" and sexual assault might not be a fun thing to try. First, I'd like to word engineer cunnilingus to something decent and acceptable like "clingy". But later, I'd like to nail down "porn".

See, porn has a bad rap, as it automatically implies naked, copulating scenes of depravity. But the feminist mantra that porn is bad, has some merit. Especially the part of expectation, whereby the viewer starts to expect real life to conform to porn and therefore base his wants/desires/perversions on his porn viewing. The gateway theory(sponsored by fems, at any rate) is that men are desensitised to soft core porn and seek harder core porn until ulitmately they are mere drones searching for diamond hard smut. The kernel here, that I would like you to take away, is that by excessive viewing, unreasonable expectations are built up on part of the viewer.

#3 Cunnilingus and the Origins of Operation Clingy

Fascinating. May I start by apologizing to those who've been kind enough to traverse the previous blogs, yearning for some coherence? I'm new to this on-line diarying and learning as I go.

The first question I'd like to address is what spurred me to finally make a weblog and name it "operation clingy" and that was the latest sensationalistic headlines. Oral sex is safer than penetration! Teens dig oral sex! No way!?

I suppose at this point those of you who've watched more movies than I have could help me out. Give me a listing of your favorite movies, or obscure movies, whatever, that have mentioned oral sex, recent or not. From the now infamous line in American Pie, where the character doesn't want anymore blowjobs and instead wants to move on to real sex - to the constant parade of stand up jokes about blow jobs... I'm just collecting popular references to 1)BLOW JOBS and 2)ORAL SEX in general. If you could even find some for 3)Cunnilingus I'd be especially grateful.

Well, "operation clingy" started years ago, on a cut block, somewhere in B.C. Canada. Lord knows where exactly, though my planting partner, who I'll name Sparkles for now, was the inspiration. See, one of his favorite anecdotes is about the time he went down on a girl for so long, and so hard that she fainted. Now, that's a great story to tell around beer and campfires, and damned if all of us men don't want that power(alluded to in the fluid mechanics section of the aforementioned American Pie movie.) Anyway, over the course of our planting on this particular block it became more and more apparent that together we'd come up with a universal truth that existed hidden deep in the recesses of Hollywood (thus our unconcious) but needed to be brought to light with a little refurbishing(unrepressed, catharsis). I mean that Mrs. Doubtfire and her/his quote about "cunning linguistics" was really skirting around the issue at hand: Cunnilingus needs a new moniker. This along with a new, updated image that can take it away from it's dirty connotations and further, something to take it away from the technical and academic language.

Ontology


There isn't really a catchy equivalent for cunnilingus of blow job, now is there? "Eating at the Y?" Sure, but in fact, if you Google it, Ask Jeeves it, Dogpile it, what have you, you'll most likely wind up with a pay site or some other lewd or lascivious promise. Where is Feminism on this one? The single most powerful weapon in their arsenal over the last 15 years has been social engineering through language. They've managed to change the word "rape" to connotate anything that makes a woman feel bad, so why can't they change cunnilingus to something easier to remember and learn about. Hence: OPERATION CLINGY.

That's what we wanted, Sparkles and I, to have cunnilingus brought into the mainstream with an equal and fair representation closely approximating the level of exposure of "Blow Job". EDUCATION people is always a solution! Part of it was the article that I was planning (though never published) on how Date rape could be eradicated if we started charging women with sexual assault every time they "cock teased" a man while simultaneously teaching teenagers about the proper procedures for safe, oral sex. Teen pregnancy would go down like (insert stock sailor joke here) if we could only convince young women and men to take out their sexual frustrations, aggressions, and perversions by way of their mouths. [Note to all bigoted, repressed people that would have some sort of problem with this: feel free to comment, though I warn you that if you do comment, I'll have to actually write the article, which to my shame, never got on the page...] So, by being a liberal feminist myself, I'm actually advocating Responsibility for Sexuality on both sides of the equation as opposed to the lopsidedness we see now with men shouldering all responsibility and women being programmed to blame, or otherwise avoid responsibility for their emotions/sexuality.

The other part of "Operation Clingy" of course, is Sparkles, as he's brilliant when he's on. I don't think I stopped laughing for years after that day on the block and to this very moment, I can make my jaw sore by grinning, just thinking about the possibilities. Using Sparkles powers, for good, I say, not evil! hahahaha. Most of the pure genius of the ideas - the Sparkle - is of course, his. I'm just the ideologue.


Somehow it came down to a list of nicknames, new monikers and the like but the only one I really remembered was "operation clingy" with Clingy being the new word for cunnilingus. Operation meant our "war on" phrase, as in "operation desert storm" etc. You get the drift. It is a war on ignorance, forced repression, and moral denigration that we were looking to defeat. Oh those heady days of youth. But perhaps hope is not lost, perhaps society has finally caught up to Sparkles and I?? "Swell," he would say, I'm sure, if he was still alive; alas, recently he was pronounced dead as he's up for marriage in October of 2005, leaving me the last remnant of a bachelor. Sad, but signposts are needed in life, so my hat is off to you, SpartaGus.

This is what "operation clingy" needs. A war chest. A bully pulpit. A website. A guru. And plenty of discourse. Seeing the scant beginnings shall make the victory all the more poignant when CNN picks up the RSS feed announcing to the world that Emperor Cunnilingus is dead - Long live clingy! Get clingy! Got Clingy?

Don't Masturbate! Educate and Cunnilingate!

It's late, so I'll end here. Hopefully, you've had a chuckle, or if you've read some of my previous articles(a decade ago!) you'll want to kick my ass for even mentioning that at one time I wrote useful commentary on society.

Thanks!

#2 Girlfriend, caffeine pills, and new shibboleths.

Has anyone noticed how "blog" and "borg" are similar? Yes, that's a reference for all the star trek fans, (STNG) but don't get all misty eyed or anything as I'm not really a fan. Though, my tree planting foreman once said, "everyone get out your watches and 'borg up'" which meant synchronize watches. I thought it was priceless, but I was high on caffeine at the time, so what did I know?

GO here: Why? A short, scientific explanation of why I used caffeine pills for eight years of highballing as I was treeplanting.

http://www.anselm.edu/academic/psychology/tdaley/background.htm


For this borg, I'm going to explore my relationship with Sarah, my g/f. Until about 2002, you'd have typed in "girlfriend" but now with the proliferation of messenger services many shortcuts and abbreviations are available. I'd almost call them, shibboleths if I didn't want to be called a Jewlover, anti-semite, or whatever will be cast upon me as the latest calumny. But back to the g/f...

GO here: Why? Because you probably don't know what it means.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=shibboleth

That explained, I'll try to keep them to a minimum. LMAO


Sarah. First off, if she ever reads, hears of this, or otherwise catches a drift: sure, I love her. She's got a wonderful voice, incredible disposition, fantastic ass(in Brazilian underwear!) and she's great at providing the basic necessities to a porn fanatic. Really though, after her alteration, I had some problems with her family as it seems that I've become the whipping post/scapegoat for all the growing up my g/f has done lately. More importantly, now that she's slipped the grasp of her backwards and controlling family(lovely people, mind you, just controlling and backwards) she's able to grow, reach, exalt as it were. For this, I'm a front row spectator: take a week ago.

Another foreigner, let's call him Jeffool, was badmouthing me in a bar. M'eh, if anyone in my family or even vicinity is suprised by that, I'd be surprised myself. The point was that it was undeserved(really) and that she had the temerity to stick up for me. She basically, in a bar, in front of witnesses, said to the fa...er...guy... "Hey, I don't want to hear it, don't bother speaking to me." And that was that. (n.b. He threatened me in print back in September in a local rag, but he's too much of a coward to ever effect anything he writes. Classic, Anal retentive narcissist, and as I've stated to his face he'll: "end up in prison or in therapy and I hope it ain't therapy." But back to Sarah; let's give context.

Sarah is approaching thirty, and though she's doing it with panache, she's still a woman. I understand this as I check out her thingies daily.[By panache, I had to admit/kudo the fact that her latest hobbies have been getting in shape at the gym and Tae Kwon Do, both of which are shaping her ass into a masterpiece as well as toning her body to that of a porn star.) Her sister, on the other hand, has just had a baby and ("Just" being around April 2nd, 2005). I must say that it appears that Anna(sister in question) has had "eating and ballooning" as hobbies of late. Pregnacy and eating.



Thusly, Sarah's biological clock has been upgraded to biological timebomb. The fuse is set, the countdown readied, etc, (insert stock chick joke here). Her sister and her are polar opposites as Sarah is reliable, conciencous, debt-free, and has a wisdom that allows her to clamour for more knowledge even if it contradicts what she "believes" at the moment. ie. she's pretty open minded(c.f. quote on "porn fanatic" above). Being that they both(as well as a younger neophyte sister) came into this world by way of a fanatically repressed psuedo-protestant family, I'm liable to forgive the obvious "breeder" mentality that has suddenly taken her hostage, mentally, emotionally, and well, dare I say it?: neurotically. (PS to that: Ask her if she cut her hair before her 18th birthday or wore pants instead of a dress at any time before she was 21 and you'll get my drift about her religious influences and where they "squarely" place women.)

To whit: recently I had occasion to discuss with my beloved our future together. She had the whim that I'd get rich and support her as she did these things: 1) Not work. 2) Study some as yet undetermined form of artistic enrichment. Yes, that's right, I'd work and she'd do whatever struck her fancy. Now, needless to say, the gist of the entire conversation might surprise you - for 2 reasons. #1 I didn't freak out, but instead just waited for confirmation of the idiocy(ok. maybe it was stunned silence) #2 She came around almost immediately and admitted that it sounded selfish and petty even to her.

See, the beauty of my g/f is that ultimately she has chosen sensiblility over religious repression. Her intelligence, evident by two University degrees, is compounded by a will and ego that surprises her daily. She just has a black hole of bigotted ignorance and prejudice (against herself as well as others) from being brought up by religious zealous. Though she is stout in her love for them, she later on admits that not all the ideas inculcated by her parents' religious endeavors are perhaps "reasonable" if she wants to live in the 21st century(ahem, with me as a b/f). Don't get me wrong, she loves her parents, she just has outgrown their backwards Swedish/Danish/American fanatic religious repression. Breaking through this must seem like a chick cracking the shell on it's first breath from its fragile yet protective egg.

So you are still reading this? Therefore, you are narcissistically involved, or bored and voyeristically waiting for a sexual quotient to be fulfilled. By that, if you don't get the gist of the above link: you are waiting to see yourself in this blog, or waiting to see something that releases your pent up frustrations to the point where you can be a) mastubatorily angry or b) mastubatory.

More on this later. I'm heading to bed.

#1 Web Log

Greets.

1) Wired magazine has a wonderful online archive. Go to the web site and kick up your heels. Keep up to date, hell, you are future dated if you have the vision. Now use your power for good.

Here's a link to Pod casting: http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/13.03/curry.html?pg=1

Link around and you'll find Mulder from the X-files with some blogging and audio blogs. Pity he has nothing to say except pathetic "love me"s and "watch my movies" and "I'll be walking around Seattle with a Starbucks coffee, hee hee." Sigh. Ya, dissapointed, but it's a young medium, get out there and dooo ittt!!