#3 Cunnilingus and the Origins of Operation Clingy

Fascinating. May I start by apologizing to those who've been kind enough to traverse the previous blogs, yearning for some coherence? I'm new to this on-line diarying and learning as I go.

The first question I'd like to address is what spurred me to finally make a weblog and name it "operation clingy" and that was the latest sensationalistic headlines. Oral sex is safer than penetration! Teens dig oral sex! No way!?

I suppose at this point those of you who've watched more movies than I have could help me out. Give me a listing of your favorite movies, or obscure movies, whatever, that have mentioned oral sex, recent or not. From the now infamous line in American Pie, where the character doesn't want anymore blowjobs and instead wants to move on to real sex - to the constant parade of stand up jokes about blow jobs... I'm just collecting popular references to 1)BLOW JOBS and 2)ORAL SEX in general. If you could even find some for 3)Cunnilingus I'd be especially grateful.

Well, "operation clingy" started years ago, on a cut block, somewhere in B.C. Canada. Lord knows where exactly, though my planting partner, who I'll name Sparkles for now, was the inspiration. See, one of his favorite anecdotes is about the time he went down on a girl for so long, and so hard that she fainted. Now, that's a great story to tell around beer and campfires, and damned if all of us men don't want that power(alluded to in the fluid mechanics section of the aforementioned American Pie movie.) Anyway, over the course of our planting on this particular block it became more and more apparent that together we'd come up with a universal truth that existed hidden deep in the recesses of Hollywood (thus our unconcious) but needed to be brought to light with a little refurbishing(unrepressed, catharsis). I mean that Mrs. Doubtfire and her/his quote about "cunning linguistics" was really skirting around the issue at hand: Cunnilingus needs a new moniker. This along with a new, updated image that can take it away from it's dirty connotations and further, something to take it away from the technical and academic language.

Ontology


There isn't really a catchy equivalent for cunnilingus of blow job, now is there? "Eating at the Y?" Sure, but in fact, if you Google it, Ask Jeeves it, Dogpile it, what have you, you'll most likely wind up with a pay site or some other lewd or lascivious promise. Where is Feminism on this one? The single most powerful weapon in their arsenal over the last 15 years has been social engineering through language. They've managed to change the word "rape" to connotate anything that makes a woman feel bad, so why can't they change cunnilingus to something easier to remember and learn about. Hence: OPERATION CLINGY.

That's what we wanted, Sparkles and I, to have cunnilingus brought into the mainstream with an equal and fair representation closely approximating the level of exposure of "Blow Job". EDUCATION people is always a solution! Part of it was the article that I was planning (though never published) on how Date rape could be eradicated if we started charging women with sexual assault every time they "cock teased" a man while simultaneously teaching teenagers about the proper procedures for safe, oral sex. Teen pregnancy would go down like (insert stock sailor joke here) if we could only convince young women and men to take out their sexual frustrations, aggressions, and perversions by way of their mouths. [Note to all bigoted, repressed people that would have some sort of problem with this: feel free to comment, though I warn you that if you do comment, I'll have to actually write the article, which to my shame, never got on the page...] So, by being a liberal feminist myself, I'm actually advocating Responsibility for Sexuality on both sides of the equation as opposed to the lopsidedness we see now with men shouldering all responsibility and women being programmed to blame, or otherwise avoid responsibility for their emotions/sexuality.

The other part of "Operation Clingy" of course, is Sparkles, as he's brilliant when he's on. I don't think I stopped laughing for years after that day on the block and to this very moment, I can make my jaw sore by grinning, just thinking about the possibilities. Using Sparkles powers, for good, I say, not evil! hahahaha. Most of the pure genius of the ideas - the Sparkle - is of course, his. I'm just the ideologue.


Somehow it came down to a list of nicknames, new monikers and the like but the only one I really remembered was "operation clingy" with Clingy being the new word for cunnilingus. Operation meant our "war on" phrase, as in "operation desert storm" etc. You get the drift. It is a war on ignorance, forced repression, and moral denigration that we were looking to defeat. Oh those heady days of youth. But perhaps hope is not lost, perhaps society has finally caught up to Sparkles and I?? "Swell," he would say, I'm sure, if he was still alive; alas, recently he was pronounced dead as he's up for marriage in October of 2005, leaving me the last remnant of a bachelor. Sad, but signposts are needed in life, so my hat is off to you, SpartaGus.

This is what "operation clingy" needs. A war chest. A bully pulpit. A website. A guru. And plenty of discourse. Seeing the scant beginnings shall make the victory all the more poignant when CNN picks up the RSS feed announcing to the world that Emperor Cunnilingus is dead - Long live clingy! Get clingy! Got Clingy?

Don't Masturbate! Educate and Cunnilingate!

It's late, so I'll end here. Hopefully, you've had a chuckle, or if you've read some of my previous articles(a decade ago!) you'll want to kick my ass for even mentioning that at one time I wrote useful commentary on society.

Thanks!